Thursday, July 31, 2008

Doubt

Could I be getting over you? Am I free from the spell you have cast over me? When you left me Friday, I thought my heart would implode leaving a vast void which was once so full, mostly of you. I lay and cried and prayed for the strength to pray for the courage to pray to get over you. Was it pain that caused you to speak to me that way? Were you just aching as I was as soon as I saw that you were agonizing? Am I supposed to feel this wretched? Is that how love is defined? Must the hurt sear through your body like a hunter's arrow does through its prey? I haven't talked to you in a week. Just now was my first time thinking of you. I try to conjure up the good I know we once had but all I see is the last time I saw your face. Pain, but not pain because of your separation from me. Pain, veiled by your polarized shields that wouldn't allow the world to see what lay behind them. I managed to smile and drive away and thanked God for the strength that gave me the courage to not turn around and go after you.

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