Wonder

You asked me if my feelings for you are changing. I deny that emphatically. "No!", I reply almost too hastily. Have my feelings changed? Do I still want you as feverishly as I have before? I know that part of my frustration is that I can't have you the way that I want you. I know that if I ask for more you're going to give me the "situation" and I am just not trying to hear that bullshit. When I say that I need to be with you, then I need to be with you. I don't care about your situation. I respect the shit, but I don't care. Many times lately I've thought of telling you that I'm going to see other people. Who am I going to see? No one holds a candle to you and I know that. But at the same time, I need a balance because I've put myself in this position of being in love with you and accepting whatever you give me. I can't do that anymore. But I don't want to speak idle talk. I don't want it to be a reaction-invoking speech. When I come to you, I want to come to you with certainty, with someone who is worthy of what will be the undoing of us. Am I ready? Is it time for me to let you go?

Moping

I want you to tell me it's going to be okay. I want you to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay. I want you inside of me and tell me it's going to be okay. With every stroke of your dick, my hair, your back, I'll feel that it's going to be okay. No fido, no shetlands, just the two of us rejoicing with our bodies those things we can't say in words. We merge and I become your Aphrodite and your venom all at once, afraid to say how it makes me feel for fear you'll reject me. You afraid to tell me because you fear the truth. Words not needed because we both could lose with this overload. Spontaneously, once tell me you love me so that it may carry me for a lifetime. I so crave tenderness from you. The stroke of back, the stroke of your dick, all at once, all in all, total submission to a pleasure that for others is mystical but for us....truth

Confusion II

I was talking to YOU in the car on the way to work and what you said stung. Do you want us to be out in the open? Is it your wish for everyone to know we are what we are? Am I worth the risk to you. You once said that you want me to fight for you. What does that mean? What does fighting for you entail. Does it require me to make my presence known. What do you hope to accomplish by doing this. Does this become to you a testament to the feelings that I have for you. Is that what you want from me? Do you want the ultimate truth? I talked to K last night and we was trying to get me to explain why I didn't see you as my future. How could I not see you as my future. No man has enraptured me the way you have. No lover so complete who makes me dream, wish, think, rejoice, pause, breathe, stop, wonder, know the way you do. No companion so accepting, yet so honest with me about me to me. As I type of you, my fingers start to tingle at the thought of you seeing me naked, clothed, laying, standing. I look consistently at my phone to make sure I don't miss your call.

Betrayal

How do I tell YOU I slept with him? How do I say to YOU that place his dick in my mouth and gave him the best fucking blow job I could? I initiated the kiss between the two of us. He was merely trying to say hello. We hadn't been together since I have been with YOU. I licked his body like my very survival depended on each moan and groan he offered to me. I knew I was doing a good ass job. He couldn't hold his head up to look down at the job I was doing. Not very many women offer the opportunity to look. I thrive on it. It feeds me, gives me the edge to go on. His dick became my IV, giving me the fluids I needed to sustain life. When he entered me, I felt my flesh burn from the tear of my skin. I was on top of him so I could control the movement. He allowed me to do that. He just grabbed me and allowed, if only for a little while, the control of rhythm to be mine. Do I tell YOU how good it felt to have him inside of me? Do I tell YOU how with each stroke, my pussy was screaming from pleasure and begging for release at the same time? Do I tell YOU his hands sought mine, so that he could touch me and make me aware of the passion he was putting forth to me. I missed him and even though I didn't have to tell him (my pussy was doing plenty of talking for me), I told him anyway. He told me the same. With each stroke, his dick hardened and he gave me the kind of sex that only could only get from a nigger who enjoys what the fuck he is doing. We was enjoying me and I was enjoying him. Hours passed and we did not give pause. Ascending and descending, mountains and valleys of pleasure and pain rolling over each other until the two became one in the same. How do I tell YOU this? How do I tell YOU I thought of YOU the entire time?

Confusion

YOU told me last night that I am not open about my feelings for YOU. Of course I am open about my feelings. I realize and accept the fact that I love YOU. It's a scary, wondrous, amazing thing. Even when we are fighting, I look forward to hearing your voice everyday. I sometimes feel as though my day hasn't started because I haven't talked to YOU. My night doesn't end unless I have heard YOU tell me "I'm at home Boo." Sometimes, I hear a longing in your voice, wishing YOU weren't at home so soon. Maybe I wish it were longing that I heard. Now YOU tell me that there was time when YOU did replacements and what ifs? The thought of them scared YOU, so you tried to disconnect emotionally from me. Do YOU want me gone and just want me to do the dirty work? YOU have decide what your feelings are for me and what to do with them. Do YOU want to remove the sex from our relationship? Is the lovemaking we share so intense that it brings about uncomfortable feelings for YOU? Does she not make you feel the way I do when we are next each other? I can't help the way I respond to YOU when YOU touch me. Every kiss, stroke, lick, whisper, and moan has a transcendental quality that takes me to a place beyond any place. I need that from YOU. Why won't YOU give it to me?

Anger

How in the FUCK are YOU going to make demands of me? All I wanted YOU to do was show up. YOU didn't. Now, YOU say YOU are sorry. I feel so incredibly stupid. I know I love YOU. I know YOU don't love me. I can deal with that. What pisses me off is the fact that I actually thought YOU gave a damn. YOU don't give a damn and that is the part that is so infuriating. I want to hear sincerity in your voice. I know YOU are placating me. I can't escape. Right now at this very moment, I yearn for YOU to touch me like YOU touched me before. I want to feel YOU inside of me, while clinging to the hope that it isn't as good as I remembered. I tell myself that after that final taste of YOU, I'll be satisfied and I can walk away from YOU, and I won't look back. I keep looking at my cell, hoping YOU will call, just to hear your voice so that my pain starts fresh. I don't want to talk to YOU, I need to talk to YOU. It's 1:30. YOU haven't called me back. Why do I keep looking at my cell?

Torture

I sat up and waited for YOU. I even went and sat in my car to wait so I wouldn't miss your call (damn weak ass phone signal). I watched An Affair to Remember and looked at the couple as they finally became reunited in the end. Something told me YOU weren't going to show up. I don't know about anyone else's Something, but mine is pretty strong. When YOU called and asked if I had done it, I should have told YOU then that she hadn't done it. I just wanted to be with YOU so badly, I allowed myself to hope and allowed her to do the transaction. YOU chuckled and I had the audacity to think it was because YOU were as excited about being with me as I was about being with YOU. I kept hoping YOU would call to say "I'm sorry". YOU didn't YOU never called. It's 10:21 and YOU still have not called. I sit here at my desk listening to MeShell Ndegeocello's voice. I contemplate what I'll say to YOU when YOU call. I know YOU will call. YOU need confirmation of my pain