Have I been busy!!!

What a whirlwind these past few months!!! Let's do a rundown of my activities:

I decided to be a nappyhead

I went natural a few years ago before my son was born but it didn't last very long. After being inspired by my girl, I decided to do it again and stick with it. I cut my hair September 1st after about 4 months of transitioning. Here is what I've learned:

1. My hair is a reflection of change in my life. When I started transitioning, I changed my hairstyle from one that was essentially a straight hairstyle to a curly one within a matter of weeks. One of my colleagues said I was going thorugh a state of transition in my life and my hair was simply reflecting that. At the time, I wasn't doing anything drastic nor did I foresee any drastic changes in the future. However, I didn't discount what she said and I simply held on to that.

It's About Time

Well, Looky Here!!

It's about time somebody gave my girls their propers. I swear I could write my dissertation I'm supposed to being working on around Girlfriends. Perhaps after seeing this one, the brass will straighten up and know that Toni belongs on this show

Nigger, Please!!

A friend of mine who happens to know the author sent me this website. I read an advance copy of the book. I must WOW!!! It is definitely on the cutting edge. Anyone who is aware of the degradation we consistently put ourselves through as people should grab this one.

I knew I wasn't the only one!!!!

For all of those who just loooooooooooove Ms. Tyra Banks and her Oprah lite (to quote a fellow blogger), check out this article :

That Damn Tyra

I've often felt that Tyra was harder on her black models than she was on their white counterparts. I tried to attribute this to the "tough love" model, but for this last ANTM cyle, it just wasn't working for me.

That's as much as I'm going to say about ANTM. I think Rich does a tremendous job with ANTM.

I just couldn't let this one slide

Sweet & Sour II

Sweet

1) Tuna fish with blue cheese on spinach leaves with a drizzle of olive oil dressing
2) Pants that actually disguise my tootsie roll (that indeliable roll of fat that goes from one side of your waist to the other and sits on the top of your pants, uhh!)
3) Accessories
4) Craft day at my son's school
5) Talk Radio (it's my new thing I've discovered in the past few weeks)
6) Vanilla Candles
7) Breaks between semesters when there are only a few students on campus
8) www.akatrinawalk.com
9) Sugarbear's love of learning
10) cell phones

Sour

1) My tootsie roll
2) Getting up at 5:30 to start my day, I am definitely a nocturnal creature
3) Stilettos as the sexy shoes; why not ballet flats?
4) Expense reports
5) Strengthing nails after years of acrylics
6) The fact that he married her
7) Indecisiveness: mine and others'
8) Savage Nation
9) The end of Grey's Anatomy for the season
10) Packus Ratious: My inability to throw things away

We younger Negro artists...

"We younger Negro artists who create now intend to express our individual dark-skinned selves without fear or shame. If white people are pleased we are glad. If they are not, it doesn't matter. We know we are beautiful. And ugly too. The tom-tom cries and the tom-tom laughs. If colored people are pleased we are glad. If they are not, their displeasure doesn't matter either. We build our temples for tomorrow, strong as we know how, and we stand on top of the mountain, free within ourselves." --Langston Hughes

Motherhood is....

Knowing that every morning you have a reason to wake up, if for nothing more than to fix him some strawberries & cream instant oatmeal

Learning you can love someone so much that you've only known a short amount of time

The ultimate compliment to your mother by instilling her values in your child

Finding joy in running in the rain with someone who finds it fascinating

The perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon

Knowing that you are much stronger than people give you credit for

Having a bond with a complete stranger just because you have that in common

A way for your parents to vicariously spoil and punish you at the same time

Showing a patience you never knew you possessed

Watching Toon Disney s0 much you know the schedule

Wanting to absorb the pain so that he doesn't have to feel it

Knowing that the pain will only serve to make him stronger so he has to experience it

Sitting in traffic for two hours just so you can get home and watch him write his name five times

Being late for work every morning so you can be there to help him dress every morning

Smiling when you see him tell someone they look nice

Never getting tired of receiving wild weeds as flowers each time he goes out to play

Giving him the last cookie just you're about to take a bite and he walks in the room

Not getting that pedicure because he needs another pair of tennis shoes

Proof that God exists and he smiles favorably upon you...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Ramblings...

I wanna be a chef. Not an outstanding chef who works for an amazing restaurant that garners five stars. Just one that's good enough to look in the kitchen and whip up an amazing meal with lemons, mushrooms, and sour cream, which are things that are constantly in my fridge that always go bad.

Sweet & Sour

I've mentioned before that I believe in living life as fully as you can. I also believe in being grateful for biggest and smallest things in life. Therefore I've decided to periodically list ten things I am grateful for (Sweet). Alternately, since I am evil (only 30%), I'll go ahead a list ten things that drive me nuts (Sour). Here's the kicker: things that are on my Sweet list may end up on my Sour list and vice versa (I love that phrase). Some things I list only I will know what they are. Since I write this blog to throw it out to the universe, if it comes back then I'll be glad to indulge. So, if you happen to stumble across this and are a little more curious, then hit me up for further explanation. So, here we go in no particular order:

Sweet

1) Being able to listen to music at work; music feeds me, so the ability to have it already me at all times is phenomenal. I've had jobs before that I couldn't so I know the difference
2) Soap; self-explanatory
3) K3 & L-Boog; Everybody needs the ones I have
4) Orgasms; please, don't even ask
5) Sugarbear; to know that a life that actually walks on this earth started in your womb is proof God exists
6)Mute button; when you want to be rude, but you don't want it known
7) Mommy; mine is the one everyone wishes they had
8) My degrees; they get me to places I wouldn't have access to otherwise
9) Viola & Black; the very definition
10) Lemon-head & V-Rone; They gave me an anthem

Sour

1) Small office; what good is an office when you still have to whisper for fear of being heard
2) Liver; what the hell?
3) Alarm clocks; nothing to start your morning like a jarring sound that scares the shit out of you
4) My boss; just on this particular day
5) Stilettos; for ruining the concept of "flat is sexy"
6) My degrees; they prohibit me from going places I want to go
7) Bad sex; this should be an oxymoron
8) Stupidity; there is just no excuse
9) Uniforms; how are you going to express your individuality
10) Insecurity; it just brings about a myriad of other bad things

JustThrowingItOutToTheUniverse

Building My Own Sandcastles...

Have you ever noticed that oftentimes books that are turned into screenplays somehow don't quite capture the book? My favorite book of all time is Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. I love this book and the author for a number of reasons, but they all combobulate into one mantra: Live life on your own terms. Anyway, I finally watched the made-for-tv movie starring Halle Berry.

I knew I was going to be quite critical of the movie before I even sat down to watch it. I discovered Their Eyes at least ten 10-12 years ago. Before I had a concept of self-assurance, empowered or even feminism, I knew this book spoke to me. I also knew that this book in some way shape or form had to be autobiographical because no author could breathe life into a character like Janie and not have experienced it.

The great thing about books is they give you a foundation that allows your imagination to truly create what you want your book to be. Your mind creates this story of ice cream and sandcastles and you get to determine what the exact shade of spearmint is.

In my mind, I had conjured up Janie and all of the relationships she had encountered on her journey of self-discovery. She was my own personal heroine when others around me were praising Jane Austen characters for their resolve to live life on their own terms.

Okay, so I prepare myself to be disappointed at Oprah’s attempt to once again enlighten the masses (another commentary coming soon, I assure you). I have nothing against Halle Berry. I think she has the potential to be an incredible actress if she’ll only completely surrender herself. She is just not my idea of Janie. Janie is soul of souls. She is beautiful, but it’s in a way that is unconventional so that it isn’t “Oh, she is so beautiful “. It’s more of the type of looks that make you stop and wonder why you can’t stop looking at this person.

Well, Halle did a pretty good job. However I am extremely disappointed at how the directors, producers, whoever, failed to truly capture the essence of Janie. Oprah described Their Eyes as her favorite love story. However, it’s more than that. Characters like Janie aren’t immortalized just because they are great reads. She is a heroine because Zora Neale recognized way back then that our souls often yearn for more than what we are often given. If we don’t give in to that yearning, it will only make us miserable and admonish those who do; not out of sense of level-headedness (is that a word), but out of envy.

Happiness, however you define it, is meant to be experienced. The true sense of happiness doesn’t leave you cold and wishing. It leaves you warm and fulfilled, grateful that you even had the opportunity to find it.

So to those who think that America is benefited by taking great literature and transforming it into the big screen, some people like sandcastles in just their own shade of spearmint.

It just pisses me off...

Does it ever piss you off when someone takes one snippet out of context? I left my commentary on a subject recently on a blog. Wellwhatdoyaknow? A person comes behind me and decides to comment on ONE aspect of my comment, totally neglecting to consider all the points I had listed before he went off on his f*cking self-righteous vent. Mr. Better Days, how in the fuck do you know if a person is happy being fat or not. Have you ever been fat? Have you ever known the joy of sitting before a plate of chili cheese fries and eating them with an abandon so reckless, an orgasm of multiple proportions could just exude from your body. Probably not, you're too fucking busy eating your damn watercress salad with balsamic vinegarette with a side of tofu; all the while criticizing the chick as the table next to you because she doesn't get the wheat toast instead of the regular white toast.

Some people have not been educated about the foods that are not the best for them. They only know what Momma puts on their plates every night after she has been working two jobs to barely get them what is on their plates. As a result, unless they learn otherwise, the grow up eating those same things. And No, the doctor didn't tell them the dangers of their diet. Do you know why Mr. "perpetuating the madness?" It's because she can't afford health insurance. And no she does not spend it all on getting her nails or her hair done or buying her child the latest sneakers. It's because she simply cannot afford the fucking insurance. I am sooo sick ofyou self-righteous muthafuckas who pass your judgements down on people (Cos, you too) and attribute it to internal factors. Sometimes, the shit is external locus of control.

JustThrowingItOutToTheUniverse

I have been blessed...

Okay, one of my ABSOLUTE favorite blogs is Just Being Critical www.justbeingcritical.com These brothers speak to me in ways that I can't even begin to articulate. It's even a little frustrating because the shit I want to write about somehow appears on their blog. It's like the mofos are sitting in my brain. Well, it's been a really hectic couple of weeks for me, hence the lack of posts here on the blog. It's really my random thoughts so I'm not looking for an audience. If I get it, fine. If not, at least I'll have tangible proof of the innerworkings of my mind. Anyway back to the subject. I check my email and guess who has sent me an email. You guessed it, Mr. Critical himself. He even gave me a little praise on my little blog. How great is that!!!! So, anyway after almost two weeks of not posting, this is how I bring myself back to the world.
Anyway, keep doing your thing fellas. The world is waiting...One criticism at a time.

JustThrowingItOutToTheUniverse

BAPs....

I was reading this article one day as I was sitting in a washerteria waiting on my clothes to wash. It was one of those fashion mags that advertises outrageous clothes. The clothes of course are absolutely fabulous and sooooo expensive. Now, I also must mention that I love the magazine even though I can't afford anything in it. I like to look at the trends and fashion.

Anyway, there was an article written by a young African-American lady who had was living a fabulous upper middle class lifestyle. You know the lifestyle where you dress up in stilettos just to go shopping and grabbing a lunch with the girls is an event 'cuz you dare not go into the restaurant without the $1000 bag that is NOT a knockoff. She mentioned something in the article about telling a young lady that getting regular pedicures is not a luxury but a necessity.

Now, I'm not knocking the sista'. I am a true believer in playing as hard as I work and enjoying the fruits of my labor. Also, I have an appreciation for some of the finer things and I allow myself to indulge when I can. Here's my problem:

After reading the article, I couldn't help but think "Who are you trying to impress?" Why is getting pedicures every two weeks a necessity? Can't you just get one say, once a month, and then make sure you put lotion on your feet at night and put them in white socks? Then, you can take the money you would have spent on a pedicure and give it to UNCF. That way, you are fabulous and uplifting at the same time.

She also mentioned that she had been to Europe several times but had not been to Africa. Why aren't you making plans to visit the home where your ancestors were robbed from their homeland and brought here as property so that years later you could walk in SoHo with your Jimmy Choos on your feet, your Gucci bag on your shoulder and your Prada on your back.

Why do you have to dress up when you go a restaurant frequented by upper-class white patrons so they will know that you 'got it goin' on'? When you go to the Soul Food restaurant in the 'hood, do you do the same? Of course you do, the poor pitiful blacks need to know that you represent also. Why is there a need to advertise that? It's one thing if you decide to do it because you just loves those Charles David's and you just want your feet to look fly as you walk down the street. But when has our insecurities gotten us to the point that we have to hide it under designer labels and advertise in a magazine that is not marketed toward African-Americans? When are we going to be comfortable in our own skin?

JustThrowingItOutToThe Universe

I Have Been a Negro three times...

"I maintain that I have been a Negro three times—a Negro baby, a Negro girl and a Negro woman. Still, if you have received no clear cut impression of what the Negro in America is like, then you are in the same place with me. There is no "The Negro" here. Our lives are so diversified, internal attitudes so varied, appearances and capabilities so different, that there is no possible classification so catholic that it will cover us all, except My people! My people" --Zora Neale Hurston

I'm too Sexy for...

I went to a birthday celebration this weekend and as it usually goes, we were all sitting around talking. The subject of sexiness came up. A friend of mine said, "we're all sexy, but..." I've forgotten what followed the but, however, her preceding words resonated with me for while. As I was making the drive to work this morning I started to contemplate the word sexy and what it meant to me.

Up until a few months ago, I've considered myself a sexy beast. I'm many pounds overweight and I have a pie-shaped face, so one may be thrown a little off guard if they read this. The thing is, thanks to a number of factors, I've grown to regard myself as sexy even though I don't fit the stereotypical image of what sexy is. Plenty of people equate sexiness with fineness. I am no such person. I believe that sexy has nothing to do with physical appearance and everything to do with attitude. That's not to say that you can't have both. I have an amazing badunkadunk so I think that definitely increases my physical.

Well, I had an epiphany about sexy driving my car in to work. The thing that I find the sexiest about myself is my independence. I love the feeling of being self-sufficient and knowing that I am responsible for me and I should hold that to no one else.

Recently, due to Hurricane Katrina, I have been staying with my mom after living on my own for about eight years. During that time, I completed my Master's and am currently raising my son with little to no financial assistance from SA.

I go through all of that to say this: We are what we choose to be and we are only bound by what our limitations are. People who brag on themselves are often accused of being really insecure. However, we often tell people who have self-esteem problems to tell themselves what they want to be and in their mind they become that and eventually other people will see that. Maybe they are just telling others as practice for themselves. It goes along with the phrase: " I think therefore I am", except it's "I say therefore I become"

In my mind (shoutout to Heather Headley), I am on a sexy hiatus because the thing that I value the most is on hiatus also. So, there you go.

Just Throwing It Out to The Universe

There has got to be...

Someone out there who is as complex as I am. Somewhere in this world someone doesn't know if they are coming or going from one minute to the next.

One day she is being soothed by the sounds of Miles Davis as he pours notes of passion over each cell of skin on her body. The next day she looks like she's having a seizure because she is gyrtating to Juvenile as he tells her to 'Back dat azz up'.

For breakfast, it's two egg whites, wheat toast, and plain yogurt cause she's concerned about her health. For lunch it's greens, fried chicken, candy yams and cornbread cause she could give a damn what society (wite folks) says, she LOVES her big ass and she ain't tryin to lose that.

She is repulsed at how the women on Flavor of Love could set Black Women back 25 years, but can't help but enjoy the show because of the sheer madness.

Appreciates natural beauty in all of it's glory, but still wants her Solar Nails and falsies to step in the club lookin' FLY

Wants a man to love her for with all of her complexities and cater to her as though she is a queen but knows that she wants nothing more than to give him his wants and needs because as a king, He is her Black Man